Priority #1 - A growing & healthy walk with God.
Seems
obvious, doesn’t it? After all, isn’t that what we’re all about – helping
others to develop a growing & healthy relationship with God? Yes
& yes. It should be obvious, and it is what we’re all about.
But
that doesn’t mean it is always a priority.
One
of the unique challenges about being a church leader is that much of what would
normally be done to grow a person’s spiritual life is actually our job. We are
paid to be at church. We are immersed in the world of “spiritual things”. We
work at helping others know what that means & develop their own spiritual
lives.
And
sometimes this results in our own spiritual life becoming just that: work. We
get so focused on the path to spiritual growth for others that we let our own
path grow up with weeds. I can’t tell you how many leaders I’ve talked to where
this has become a problem. And I have been guilty of this, also.
So
what is the answer? I wish there were a simple formula. But there’s not. It
takes an on-going commitment to personal spiritual growth. It takes a
recognition of the difference between my own walk and my work. It takes a plan
to do the things you need to do in order to grow personally.
That
plan looks different for each of us, but generally speaking, it must include:
- Daily
Bible intake. And this means for the
purpose of personal spiritual growth, not for preparing your next lesson.
- Regular
time in prayer. I have learned that
prayer is a way of life…an on-going practice throughout my day. I want to
be in continual conversation with God just as I would if one of my friends
was hanging out with me throughout the day. It also should be intentional,
specific and, at times, shared corporately.
- Corporate
worship. Yes, you need to be in church. I
know – and I’ve been there – your church only has one service; you have to
lead during both services; you don’t have enough leaders to be able to
attend the services – I’ve heard (and made!) all the excuses. None of them
fly. Find a way to be in church on a regular basis. I can address this
more thoroughly in another post, but here are 4 compelling reasons to make
sure you are in service:
- Because
you need it for your own spiritual health.
Is this not obvious? Why would being in service be important for everyone
else but not for us?
- Because
you need to set the example for your family, and for their spiritual
health. Is it ok for your kids to believe that
not being in church is ok?
- Because
not attending church yourself implicitly gives your volunteers permission
to not attend church. Again…is that the
message we should be sending as the leader of our ministry?
- Because
you need to hear the heart of your pastor.
Church is where this happens in a public setting. Yes, you hear from him
privately, but as part of the body you need to hear his heart – his
passion, his instruction, his vision, etc. – publicly, just like the team
that you lead does. How can you align your ministry with his leadership if
you are not consistently hearing his heart?
Priority #2 - A growing & healthy relationship with their
family.
As
I sit here thinking of how to address this, my heart breaks for the leaders who
I have seen sacrifice their family on the altar of their ministry (as Jim Wideman would
say). And there have been times when I have been just as guilty.
Friends,
you simply can not do this. You will regret nothing more than looking back after a long and
“successful” career in ministry only to realize you lost your family along the
way. It would be better for you to get out
of ministry than to do this.
Rarely
does this happen on purpose. Few of us would ever say that our ministry is more
important than our family. But, all too often, our calendars do not reflect
that belief. It’s important that we check ourselves on this on a
consistent & regular basis.
Here
are a few ways to make sure we keep our family a priority amidst the demands of
our ministry:
- Manage
your marriage. Not very romantic sounding, is it?
But the idea of managing carries the thought of being intentional. Plan
for it’s success. Handle challenges with timely & focused attention.
Make it a priority. You know what
you’re supposed to do – do it! And if you don’t, that just became your #1
priority!
- Understand
the importance of your child(ren). I’ve
always reminded myself that if I am wildly successful at leading
children’s ministry, but fail to guide my children to a life-changing
relationship with Jesus, then I’ve failed. Seriously, why are we willing
to pour ourselves out for other people’s kids only to neglect our own, or
give them the leftovers of our time & attention?
- Maintain
your physical health. This is part of making your family a
priority? YES!! I have come to believe this with all my heart. I’m not
talking about being fanatical, but just eat right, make sure you exercise
& do what you need to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle. This will
enhance your ability to make both of these first 2 priorities work, and
may, in fact, help you keep them a priority for longer!
We’ll
talk about the others priorities in coming posts but, in reality, if we don’t
get these first two down, the rest will always be a mess. I challenge all of us
to consistently step back and see how we are doing in these two areas. And if
you find yourself at a roadblock you can’t find your way around, seek counsel
from another ministry veteran – we don’t have all the answers but we’ve made
enough mistakes that we might be able to help you!
These
are just a few ideas for these first two priorities, but there is so much more
that could be added.
Priority
#3 – A strong & supportive relationship with their lead pastor &
staff.
A
few days ago I was on the phone with one of the great young children’s ministry
leaders that I coach. He asked me if I felt it was appropriate for him to
approach his senior pastor – maybe invite him to lunch – to share his heart for
children’s ministry while also inviting his pastor to help him align the
ministry more closely with the vision of the church. I gave him an emphatic
“YES!! Do it!!”
There
is little you can do that is more valuable to you as a leader & your
ministry as cultivating strong relationships with senior leadership & other
staff at your church. Now I recognize that sometimes there are challenges you
face when trying to cultivate this relationship, and perhaps we’ll address that
in another post. But here are just a few ideas on how to be proactive in
developing a strong & supportive relationship with your lead pastor (and
other staff, too!):
- Recognize
the demands that are placed on senior leadership in the church. Research
shows that it is one of the most stressful jobs in America! I’ve referred
to this article by Eugene
Cho, called "Death
By Ministry," which highlights the condition of
many pastors. Senior leadership at your church carry burdens you know
nothing about – yet too often we become upset at their seeming lack of
engagement with what’s happening in our area. Give him a break & work
within his work context rather than yours.
- Seek
to understand the vision he is trying to lead to in the church. Do
what my young friend is planning on doing & reach out to your pastor
to ask him to share & clarify the vision. More often than not this
will surprise & delight them. Beyond that, listen to his communication
– from the pulpit, to staff, in other areas…intentionally listen for the
vision he is casting. And see Priority #4 below.
- Be
proactive in encouraging & supporting senior leadership & other
staff. Why? Because they are your fellow servants
in Christ. Isn’t that enough? Though we may not always fully agree with
them, or feel they are giving as much as they should to our efforts, we
must still always support.
It is never appropriate to
undermine the work of senior leadership (or other staff) in the
church. Pray for them (ask them what they would like you to be
praying for). Encourage them with your words. Speak well of them to
others. You get the idea.
- Share
your heart & vision for your ministry. One
of the best ways I found to do this was to send brief,
weekly updates of what’s happening in children’s ministry. Share stories
of wins. Keep it positive. Show them how God is moving. Thank them for their
support. You’d be surprised how far this can go.
Priority
#4 – Aligning ministry vision with the overall vision of the church.
Try
this little exercise:
- Hold your thumb up and,
with both eyes open, align it with something at least 10-15 feet away (a
door knob, exit sign, etc.).
- Keeping your thumb in
place, close your right eye – notice what happens to the alignment of your
thumb & object.
- Open both eyes again.
- Now, keeping your thumb
in place, close your left eye – notice what happens to the alignment of
your thumb & object.
- For most of us, looking
at the object with both eyes open allows us to see both our thumb and the
object relatively easily. When we close our left eye, our thumb remains
aligned with the object but blocks it, not allowing us to see the object
clearly; but when we close our right eye, our thumb “jumps” to the right
of the object, giving us 2 objects to look at – neither of which we can
fully focus on. (This is because our right eye is dominant for most of us.
It may be the opposite for you, or it may not work at all – as with any
illustration, it doesn’t always apply perfectly).
This
little illustration is an example of how our vision for ministry ought to work.
The “object” is the end vision of our church. When we align our vision (our
thumb) but keep both eyes open, we can see both clearly & pursue our vision
within the context of the greater vision. Closing either eye represents
allowing our vision to either block or mis-align with the overall vision of the
church – neither is acceptable, nor will either be a viable long-term growth
strategy.
Priority #5 - Developing leaders
Priority #6 - Growing their team & equipping their leaders
Last
week I had the privilege of teaching with Kenny Conley at
the Large
Church Children’s Ministry Training event in
Dallas, hosted by Worlds of Wow.
Kenny addressed the idea of leading “across” and “up”, while I addressed the
idea of leading “down”.
Here’s
the basic premise of what I said:
- IF . . . “everything
rises & falls on leadership” (John Maxwell’s well-known quote) . . .
- THEN . . . my ministry
will only rise to the level that I & my leaders can take it . . .
- SO . . . my highest
priority as the key leader (once priorities 1 & 2, and 3 & 4
are taken care of) is to shape leadership.
Period.
The
question then becomes “How do I shape quality leaders”?
I
believe it is through the 2-lane track of equipping & developing leaders.
That’s why we’re looking at priorities 5 & 6 together…you can’t really
separate equipping & developing. Of course, you have to have leaders in
order to equip & develop them (what we often call “recruiting”), but we’ve
addressed that many times so I’ll let you look up those posts separately (just
put “recruiting” in the search box in the upper left of the page to find some
of those posts).
So
how do we “equip & develop” quality leaders?
1. Realize that, because it involves
people, it looks different in every church & in every situation, but the
fundamental elements are the same.
3. Apply the “Quality Leaders”
formula:
Looks
complicated, doesn’t it? It’s actually pretty easy to understand . . . but very
difficult to apply. Shaping Quality Leaders is one of the most challenging
& time consuming responsibilities of the children’s or family ministry
leaders. This is why, I believe, we tend to focus on the “tasks” of our role
instead of shaping leaders – you can’t “check off” that you’re done shaping
leaders.
Anyway,
here’s what the equation stands for:
Intentional
Equipping plus Proactive Development over Time, multiplied by God
equals Quality Leaders
equals Quality Leaders
Intentional Equipping
- Equipping = to furnish
or provide with whatever is needed for an undertaking (Dictionary.com)
- We need to specifically
prepare our leaders for the tasks we are asking them to complete. It
should be on purpose, with a specific goal in mind, relating to specific
skills.
Proactive Development
- Developing = to bring
out the capabilities or possibilities
- Developing is less about
tangible tasks than it is about intangible investment…which leads to
accomplishing more tangible tasks.
- As key leaders, it is
our responsibility to shape people spiritually, emotionally, mentally
& relationally into better leaders – not just equip them for a task.
Over Time
- Shaping leaders does not
happen in a day – it happens daily, over a great deal of time.
- The process of shaping
leaders requires a commitment to the process – time, resources, etc. It is
hard work.
Multiplied by God
- We need to shape leaders
with great sensitivity to the movement of the Spirit.
- We need to shape leaders
by first saturating the process in prayer.
- We need to shape leaders
guided first & foremost with the principles of God’s Word.
The result of this shaping process is what I call
Quality Leaders
Quality Leaders
A
few additional thoughts:
- I believe a minimum of 50% of a key leaders (you & me)
time should be specifically devoted to shaping leaders.
- Both Intentional
Equipping & Proactive Developing are critical. Developing creates
width & depth in our ministry, but equipping is easier, so too often
we lean toward equipping when, in reality, we need to lean toward developing.
- When you shape leaders
over time, you create a team of leaders which expands ministry possibility, creates
new options for growth, spreads responsibilities & grows your own
leadership influence.
- You can fake equipping,
but you
cannot fake developing. If you are not growing as a leader, you
will soon be unable to develop leaders around you.
- Both equipping &
developing should be driven
through relationships.
- Everyone should receive
equipping, but developing
should be fairly selective. Leaders who show
potential, have a proven record of growth, are available & willing to
commit to the developing process, show spiritual maturity (not necessarily
depth, but the right direction in growth), etc., are those who should be
focused on for developing. And, just as Jesus did (masses who were taught,
70 disciples, 12 key disciples, 3 core disciples, 1 main disciple), we can
identify levels of development on our team).
- Equipping should be the
first to be handed off to other leaders (delegated), but part of the
developing process is to teach
leaders you are developing how to develop others leaders,
also. This is when your commitment to shaping leadership really begins to take
root & multiply your efforts exponentially.
Priority #7 - Equipping parents to disciple their own
children.
Entire
books are being written about this priority, and the “family ministry” movement
has been gaining momentum for some time now. Why is that? Primarily because
many are realizing that the churchshould not be
primarily responsible for the spiritual formation of children. Though the
church gladly took on that responsibility, and though parents willingly
abdicated it, the truth is, we can’t impact children like their parents
can. We are to be partners, and we are to offer programming & teaching
which impacts the lives of children, but we can’t replace parents as the
primary spiritual influencers.
No
one has more potential to influence a child’s relationship with God than a
parent…The most awkward attempt of a parent to pray with a son or daughter is a
thousand times more powerful than the most seasoned believer who’s not their
parent.
I
believe that equipping parents is the most important role the church can have
in this process. Again, that is far too large a topic for a single blog post,
but here are a few ideas to get this started:
- There
must be an intentional commitment to the parent equipping process. Ideally
this is from “the top down”, meaning it is with the backing of your
churches senior leadership. It doesn’t mean they have to be fully engaged,
but supportive. As part of the commitment, your internal processes,
structures, staffing, programming, etc. need to be designed to enable this
commitment.
- There
must be a vision cast for the equipping process. Parents
need to understand that you are there to help & assist them, but they
are the ones primarily responsible for spiritually investing in the lives
of their children.
- There
must be practical equipping opportunities offered to parents. More
and more resources are becoming available to help equip parents. Some you
might consider include: Spiritual, The Legacy Path, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, Faith Begins At Home & Revolutionary Parenting.
Resources to help you understand how to implement family equipping in your
children’s or family ministry might include: Church + Home, Shift, Family Ministry Field Guide, Think Orange & Collaborate.
Priority #8 - Creating engaging program with the goal of
life-change.
While
parents hold the primary responsibility for the spiritual formation of their
children, that doesn’t let us in the church off the hook. When kids arrive at our
doors, we need to do whatever is necessary to engage them in the spiritual
formation process. My definition of children’s ministry (besides “controlled
chaos”) is: partnering with parents to guide
kids toward a HEART for God. The HEART part of
that includes 5 elements that I believe must be part of our programming
structure and include (click on the link for further explanation of each):
I
believe these five elements allow for us to create engaging program with the
goal of life-change. Within these five elements, to break it down
further, I believe these components must be present in every program offered…it
must be:
- Child-centered. Safe
attractive & age-appropriate.
- Application-oriented. Easily
understood & applied in practical ways in the child’s everyday life.
- Relational. Built
on strong, positive & on-going adult/child relationships.
- Creative. Dynamic
& attractive to children and incorporating many different forms of
communication.
- Fun. A
place the child wants to come to.
One
final thought on programming: always remember that people
come before programming. Program should
provide the inviting environment to promote relationships for the purpose of spiritual
understanding.
Everything
else.
I
understand there are other important aspects of our ministry that have not been
talked about in the previous posts. I get it. There are things that are urgent
that we need to focus on. But I believe almost “everything else” qualifies as
temporary priorities, at best.
Our
greatest fear should not be failure, but succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
You
see, most of what comes across our desk really isn’t all that important - things
that don’t matter. Yet most of what’s really important
doesn’t come across our desk on it’s own.
We
must define our priorities and doggedly pursue them.
This
means we learn to focus. This means we learn to delegate. This means we learn
to say ‘no’. This means we make decisions according to our vision. This means
we manage
our time for influence. This means we raise up leaders.
This means we don’t chase “the latest and greatest”. This means . . . we
maintain our priorities.
Here’s
something I encourage leaders to do:
Strive
to make 75-80% of what you do things that ONLY you can do.
The
rest . . . well, that’s everything else.
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